The Wild Side of The Great Wall

I spent most of yesterday huffing and puffing my way up a mountainside and through the wilderness, swatting away bugs (giant and teensy) that were incessantly buzzing in my ears and/or attempting to attack me, and trying not to think of all the slithery critters that were probably resting near the very overgrown path on which we were stomping. 

None of this was part of my plan. 

Our goal for the day was to see an unrestored, or "wild" section of The Great Wall. How beautiful and fascinating I thought it would be to see a part of The Wall that showed off the splendor of being 2300 years old; that wasn't filled with hoards of tourists and didn't look like it could've been built last week.

How hard could it be, right? We'd just hire a driver, pack some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and have a leisurely stroll and picnic lunch on the crumbling stones. It would be lovely. 

WRONG.

I didn't have a good feeling from the moment our driver dropped us off in a little village, gestured in a general direction, and said, "About twenty minutes that way." The Wall was absolutely no where in sight. 

But off we went with our pals, Rachael and Jerrod, wandering up the side of the mountain. 

We had no idea what the day would bring! Which is the only explanation for why everyone is smiling.

About twenty minutes in, our path was blocked by some tall bushes that were completely covered in thorns. Obviously we were going the wrong way. We did the only logical thing and turned around to head back to the car. Except we bumped into two young Brits, who insisted the right way was through the thorn bushes. They had been told by a Chinese guide to keep walking east, and that the trail to The Wall was "treacherous." 

Hmmm. Surely the translation was wrong. By "treacherous," the guide surely meant "relaxing" or perhaps "really easy." 

Nope.

So through the thorn bushes we went. 

I could not save my torso from the angry wrath of the thorns, but I could save my arms. Rachael and Jerrod got pretty scratched up. Thankfully, the fur on Curtis's legs seemed to save him.
Which is why I'm now considering growing mine out.

As we climbed further up the path, the bugs would not leave us alone. Rachael walked right into a huge spider web, which probably enraged its inhabitant. Flying things wouldn't stop buzzing in our ears and swarming around our water bottles. When we put the bottles away, they started flying directly into our eyes. What I'm trying to say is that I'm pretty sure the crazy bugs were trying to drink the moisture off our eyeballs. I had to pick like, SIX thirsty bugs out of Curtis's eyes. That, my friends, is love. 

While all that was happening, I was also dripping in sweat and having a heckuva time catching my breath going uphill no matter how many little breaks I took. Apparently couch-sitting is not a good cardio workout. 

Jerrod and Rachael were always a bit ahead of us. You see, they are the kind of people who say things like, "When we climbed Mount Rainier..." whereas I say things more along the lines of, "Can I have some of your cheese?"

Oh and did I mention-- The Wall was still absolutely no where in sight. 

After hiking for well over an hour, I could feel the utter and complete hopelessness start to set in. I was ready to give up. Who cares about a stupid, old wall anyway??? And that's when I knew we had to be close-- because if there's one thing I know about life, it's that just when things seem totally hopeless is exactly when it all turns around for the better. (Usually. I mean, sometimes. Okay... once in a while.) 

 

Sure enough, about ten minutes later, Jerrod and Rachael yelled out, "It's The Wall!"

Holy cannoli. We were beside ourselves with joy. 

Synchronized jumping for a photo is a good way to document happiness.

Soon we were exploring and marveling at the rugged beauty of The Wild Wall, munching on our peanut butter and jellys, and sipping the wine that Rachael and Jerrod thoughtfully brought along. It was perfect.

Here you have six hard-earned photos of beauty.

And not even the very long snake skin dangling from a nearby tree could ruin it. 

Horrifying. Juuuuuust horrifying.

White River Hike

I have been spending a lot of time hanging out on our couch lately.

It's not because of the air quality outside-- that's actually been surprisingly good. It has more to do with the fact that Curtis just signed us up for Hulu Plus (because seeing his wife be a productive human is clearly not of great importance to him). Also, we found out that some of our favorite restaurants will deliver FOR FREE. If you have never tried watching all The Mindy Project episodes in your pajamas while eating chicken ravioli and tiramisu from your favorite Italian place, I highly recommend it. That's good living right there.

Anyway, when some of our friends suggested we all go on a hike together, I knew it was time to give my couch some space and spend a day in the great outdoors. Time out for honesty: I am not a huge fan of being in nature. I mean, I like looking at it... in pictures and stuff. But mosquitoes are such party poopers. And when I see a random hole in the dirt, I'm always 87% sure that whatever's in it will probably try to kill me, or at the very least will not want to be my friend. Still, Curtis and I set our alarms for 6am this past Sunday so we could spend time with some very cool people in what turned out to be a gorgeous setting about two hours northeast of Beijing's city center.

As we began our nature trek, we noticed tons of locals hanging out in rafts on the White River. One of the downsides of living in such a populated country is that even when you try to get away from it all... you can't.

Fellow nature lovers. 

Not to worry though, because soon enough, the crowds thinned out, and we had all the highly questionable bridges and random goat herders to ourselves.

Not to reinforce negative perceptions, but if there's one thing I don't want to have "Made in China," it's a bridge. This one in particular rocked hard with each step we took and had large gaps between the wooden slats. If you love danger, this bridge is for you! 

Oh yeah-- there was also lots of beautifulness just sittin' around, waiting to be admired.

Note the pollution-free blue skies! This of course meant there was no pollution to protect us from the scorching hot sun. Curtis's sunscreen kept melting off his face and running into his eyes. By the end of the day we were all covered in a sticky film of dirt and about twelve layers of dried sweat.
But did I sleep well that night? Yes, yes I did. 

One of the "highlights" of the hike was having to walk through the river at four different spots. Our guides seemed to think this would be a treat. Note: My idea of an actual treat involves fun-sized candy bars or realizing there's enough wine left in the bottle to fill another glass.

Two things I learned from walking through the river four times are 1) wearing flip-flops is a very poor choice in situations of full-foot water submersion and 2) there are actually bugs that just walk around on shallow water all day and wait for you to spot them and scream.
Get a real job, bugs.
Seriously. 

The true highlight of the trip was getting to hang out with this fun bunch, who we met on a day trip soon after moving to Beijing. If you've gotta be out in The Nature, this is a great group to be with.

The bottom left pic shows us in front of a "cave" we walked through at the end of the hike. If you think the rocks look fake and glued on, that's because they are. It was some sort of weird styrofoam and wood facade that resembled a grade school art project.
Why was it there? Because China. 

Our First Houseguests!

It is much too quiet in our little Beijing condo since my mom and baby brother left after a whirlwind-y and super fun two-week visit. I LOVE that they came with Costco-sized packages of everything from my favorite granola bars to brownie brittle and macadamia nuts. If a zombie apocalypse ever happens, now would be a good time because we are STOCKED with snacks!

Anyway, it would be an understatement to say that an amazing time was had by all in Beijing, Xi'an, and Shanghai. We walked until our feet hurt, ate until our bellies bulged, and got lots of practice bargaining for souvenirs. I was also reminded daily of how totally hilarious my brother is, and how nice it is to have my sweet mom around who always carries snacks and hand sanitizer, and makes the most perfect cheese omelets for breakfast.

Lots and lots of great memories were made... here are a few of my favorite ones...

Climbing The Great Wall

We spent a glorious day eating salami and cheese sandwiches, hiking, and trying not to trip on the rebuilt Mutianyu section of That One Famous Wall. Mom was extremely hesitant and moderately terrified about tobogganing down when it was time to go... but she did it!!!
Yay, mom! 

Dining at Made in China for Beijing duck

Our perfectly cooked duck was carved table-side. Its skin was crisp and not at all greasy, while the meat was tender and flavorful. We wrapped pieces of it in a thin pancake with scallions, cucumber, and plum sauce. Best Chinese burrito ever. We also enjoyed their snowflake dumplings, named for the delicate pattern of fried crispiness they were served with.

ALL the touristy spots (It's so much more fun to go with family!)

No group selfie was left untaken during our visits to every tourist attraction from The Forbidden City to the Terra-cotta Warriors to Nanjing Road. It came in handy that Jon and I both have freakishly long arms. 

Happy hours!

To help him cope with long hours of shopping with his mom and big sis, Jon often suggested we take afternoon breaks for a foot massage or a cold, refreshing glass of alcohol.
He is full of excellent ideas, that one. 

Riding the levitating train

A new thing I learned is that there are trains that magnetically magically levitate. One such train, The Maglev, is the world's fastest commercial train, and will get you from Shanghai's Pudong airport to the city center in 8 minutes. (It would take a taxi about an hour.) Bonus: You can get green tea soft serve at the McDonald's just outside of where it drops you off. Mmm.

Enjoying the Shanghai skyline

We took a nighttime cruise down the Huangpu river for spectacular views of the Shanghai skyline. The most amazing thing of all? Every last one of those brightly lit skyscrapers was built within the past 30 years. 

The world's most delectable dumplings

Yang's Dumplings serves up a fried version of Shanghai's famous soup dumplings (xiao long bao), and they are mouth-wateringly scrumptious. I really cannot overstate how delicious these little suckers are. They're filled with pork, broth, topped with sesame seeds and scallions, and delivered piping hot and crisp on the bottom. They are what all other dumplings only wish they could be. 

Man oh man, there were so many other great moments on this trip (like the awesomely awkward time my brother laughed hysterically for the better part of an hour-long massage because he's so ticklish, and then said to his masseuse,"Do you know kung fu? Because your hands are really strong. It's kind of scary."). However, I realize this post is already waaay too long, so I'll just end it by saying, "Come back soon, mom and Jon! We loved having you here!" (Plus, we're already starting to run a little low on brownie brittle.)

Scammers, Rice Terraces, and Bamboo Rafts

There is a lot of concrete in Beijing. 

This is even more obvious after having spent the past four days in the Guangxi Zhuang Autonomous Region of Southern China, where the abundance of natural beauty made us feel like we were exploring something exotic and wild. Sure, there was the occasional McDonald's and KFC sighting. So yes... partly commercialized, but mostly... exotic and wild!

Before I get to the pictures filled with lovely landscapes, I must first say that this trip started off in a most unfortunate way. We got scammed at the Beijing airport! 

Oh the humiliation. 

Have I not read all the warnings about the many scams in China? (Yes, I have!) Have I not done a fair amount of traveling and should therefore know better? (YES, I HAVE!) But alas, my husband and I fell victim to two seemingly sweet (but actually EVIL!) women who offered to help us at the check-in kiosks at the airport. 

You see, the dang machines were not scanning our passports properly. Suddenly this little old woman appeared and asked if she could help me. I just thought she was the person waiting in line behind me and wanted me to hurry up. Before Curtis and I could fully comprehend what was going on, we were whisked away from the kiosks and brought to the front of a very long line of people waiting to get their plane tickets. A flurry of Mandarin was spoken and voila! We got our tickets. All of this happened in about three minutes. Tops. 

Then came the evil part. 

The little old woman went to a young, pretty woman dressed in a suit who demanded (in perfect English) that we pay her 400 RMB (about $65) for this service of getting our tickets "in just one minute!" WHAT???? I instantly became one Very Angry Asian, and after a few words were exchanged, we ended up giving them half that amount (which was still WAY too much) before storming off.  

Note to self: Learn how to cuss at evil-doers in Mandarin. 

Anyway. A three-hour plane ride later (filled with me fantasizing about drop-kicking the Evil Scammer Ladies over and over again), we were in the city of Guilin. 

Top left is me looking like a super-authentic Chinese fisherwoman in front of the famous Elephant Trunk Hill.
The fishermen put rings around the bird's necks so they can't swallow the fish they catch in their beaks. When enough fish have been caught for the day, the rings are removed and the birds are fed. Maybe one day the birds will organize a rebellion, but for now they stay faithfully by the side of their fishermen.
Bottom pics were taken while we wandered through the night market area.

Guilin is teensy compared to Beijing with only 5 million people, and there were some noticeable differences. For one thing, many more people ride scooters because cars are too expensive. For another thing, the food options are much more limited. As our guide put it, "the people in Guilin like to eat their food fresh." Right now you are thinking, "So do I! I love fresh food! Those Guilin people and I have so much in common!" You are adorable, but you are so wrong. What our tour guide meant is that outside of many restaurants are buckets filled with live sea creatures, and cages filled with live animals including chickens, turtles, snakes, and football-sized fur balls that we later found out were bamboo mice (MICE!). Basically you choose which one you wanna eat and then BAM! It's served right up! I am no vegetarian, but this was really too much. I like to believe that my pork was always bacon-shaped. Needless to say that apart from our hotel breakfast buffet, Curtis and I did not eat much during our two days in Guilin City. 

It's okay though, because we were only there so we could go to Longsheng County to see the magnificent 650-year-old Dragon Spine Rice Terraces. These photos do not do them justice...

Behold the beauty! It was quite a hike up there, but the view was worth every uneven stone step.

The area is also home to the Zhuang and Yao Ethnic people, who wear colorful outfits and cannot wait to talk you into buying all their snacks and handmade crafts. 

The woman I am standing next to is smiling because she got me to buy a scarf.
Apparently, I can't resist a pretty scarf.

The next day, we took a three-hour cruise down the Li River to Yangshuo County, an area known for its stunning mountain backdrop. Because it was a bit rainy, the mountains were misty and dreamlike. I kept feeling like dinosaurs should be frolicking on the mountaintops. Or unicorns. Disappointingly, I saw neither of those things.

Since there were no unicorns, we hung out with a nice German couple from Canada, instead.
They've been married for 47 years and have traveled the world together.

Afterward, we rode a handmade bamboo raft down the Yulong River which gave us a chance to get a whole lot closer to all the nature-y things. This decidedly touristy experience came complete with strategically placed photo ops meant to capture the entertaining moments when foreigners think they might possibly get tossed into the river. There might have been a little squealing involved, as I am positive that we did not get enough vaccinations to make it okay for us to be tossed into a Chinese river. 

For the bottom left pic we were told to wave at the camera while trying to also not get dunked in the highly questionable river water. Good times.

When we were finally back on land, we discovered that Yangshuo County is extremely tourist-friendly and generally delightful. Most importantly, absolutely delicious food could be found here. While it was possible to get unusual (i.e. utterly horrifying) dishes like dog hotpot and horse noodles, we opted to try a vegetarian restaurant where we thoroughly enjoyed some spicy fried noodles with mixed veggies, sticky rice with tofu "meatballs," vegetable dumplings, and fried bananas that came out piping hot and were deliciously sweet and creamy.

We concluded our trip with relaxing full-body massages (at a place in Yangshuo called Dr. Lily's) that cost $11 for one hour... because four days of exploring all things exotic and wild is not only endlessly fun, but also quite exhausting.

Belly Aches & Blind Massages

"Into each traveler's journey, some intestinal discomfort must fall."

That's how the saying goes, right?

We were warned early on that eventually, it would happen to us. 
Careful as we've been to eat at only trust-worthy looking restaurants, stay far away from street food, and wash all our fruits and veggies in filtered water, the Woo-Jay household had a rather... um... explosive past few days. 

I heart Western meds.

We are still not exactly sure what caused it. 
For some reason, Curtis has been wanting to blame my poor, innocent Cheerios (and the milk they were in). I am more inclined to point the finger at some dubious-looking spinach we were served the other day. (There was too much sauce on that spinach. It was obviously hiding something.) 

All I know for sure is that I am still recovering.
And I am now afraid to sneeze. 

The worst was finally over by Sunday morning, so we decided to treat our tortured bodies to a massage. But not just any massage. Oh no. We booked two blind massages.

I've been intrigued with the concept of blind massage ever since I read about it in a guide book a couple of years ago. The theory behind it is that the visually impaired masseuse's other senses are heightened in such a way that they are better able to locate and ease tense muscles and problem areas. 

Also, it was only going to be $17 for a one-hour massage, so heck to the yes we were doing this! 

The $17 storefront to go with the $17 massage.

Once we arrived, we were guided into a sparsely decorated room that smelled (not unpleasantly) of baby oil, with two basic massage tables. 

Curtis hopped on one table, and was quickly tended to by a young, lanky, friendly fella who was very evidently visually-impaired. 

I climbed onto the other table and was greeted by a cheery, older, round guy who I thought was maybe the towel-bringer, but who turned out to be my masseuse. Based on all the looking-at-each-other-and-smiling we were doing, I am not so convinced my guy was even close to blind. Maybe he used bifocals once in a while? 

I have learned that when in China, sometimes you cannot be too picky.

Our massages commenced and I immediately did not have high hopes. 

I could hear a tv blaring what sounded like Chinese action movies from the next room, and when that was muted, someone upstairs decided it was the most perfect time ever to start hammering the floor above my head. 

But then my guy started working his masseuse-y magic and nothing else mattered. He got all kinds of spots in my neck, shoulders, and back, some of which I didn't even know were tense until he started working on 'em. Those same quick, strong, kneading motions were unfortunately tickle-y torture on my legs. I burst into a giggling fit, which prompted Curtis's masseuse to turn around and earnestly ask, "Are you having a very fun time?" 

Speaking of Curtis's masseuse. Right away, he asked Curtis if he knew he "had a little hunchback." This made me chuckle not only because it was so direct, but also because it sounded weirdly adorable. Apparently the rest of Curtis's massage involved stretching, twisting, cracking, and elbowing this "little hunchback" into submission. Poor little hunchback.

Overall, I have to say that I was pretty impressed with the thoroughness and intensity of my blind(ish) massage. At one point, my foot started cramping badly, and my masseuse sprung to action and pushed really hard on a specific point on my foot, which relaxed it entirely. I later found out (from my super-smart pal, Google), that the point he applied pressure to was the reflexology spot for my small intestine. 

What I'm trying to say is, on top of the great massage, his magical, blind-masseuse-intuition powers obviously told him I was recovering from food poisoning, and he knew just what to do to help relieve my agony. 

So would I go back? 
Why yes, yes I would. 

Food! Food! Food!

There's one thing that moving to China hasn't changed a bit: 

My inability (or umm... lack of desire) to cook. 

There are many reasons for this, but right now I'm going to blame it on the fact that we only have butter knives in our kitchen. We cannot find a good knife anywhere! I cut up an enormous, juicy mango with a butter knife just yesterday, and it was not pretty at all. 

For the record, that mango deserved better. 

Thankfully, Beijing has about 10,000 restaurants. That is not an exaggeration. Restaurants are EVERYWHERE, and Curtis and I have decided to make it our personal mission to try as many of them as we can. 

I am no chef, but I absolutely love to eat. 

Eating's my favorite. 

Here are a few of me and the husby's most stand-out Beijing dining experiences so far...

Vietnamese at Susu

This place is ahh-may-zing. The restaurant is in a beautifully restored old Chinese home. They serve up some of the best Vietnamese food I've ever had-- and I've been to Vietnam! Our favorites included the tangy Susu shrimp salad (top left), the rare beef pho served in a rich broth with wide, flat noodles (left middle), and the deep fried spring rolls that were so delicately fried, the wrapper was still a little chewy (right middle). Everything was so fresh, seasoned perfectly, and presented beautifully. Oh em gee I cannot wait to go back!

Chinese-Muslim at Xinjiang Crescent Moon Uyghur Muslim Restaurant (Yeah. Curtis and I just call it "The Tasty Lamb Place")

This is supposedly the best place in Beijing to get the kind of food you might expect whilst traveling the Silk Road. "What does that even mean?" you ask. It means delicious yumminess everywhere. The lamb kebabs seasoned with chili and cumin came out piping hot on metal skewers, and the fried flatbread with lamb was can't-stop-eating-it good. The eggplant was tender and smothered in a thick, sweet-ish sauce, while the green beans were stir-fried with dried chilis until they were crisp on the outside and puffy on the inside. We were also served bowls of smooth and creamy homemade yogurt that I sweetened with sugar and devoured for dessert! 

Thai at Thai Express

This is one of our neighborhood go-to spots. The spicy seafood salad (on the left) was vinegary, refreshing, and flavorful like a green papaya salad, but had a big kick to it that had our eyes watering after a few bites. Top right looks a little weird, but it's just steamed mixed veggies with a very light coconut sauce, which was mild and scrumptious. Bottom right is one of my favorite desserts in the world-- fresh mango with sticky rice, topped with sweet coconut cream. Mmm...

Drinks at Flamme

I know, I know... drinks don't technically count as a meal. But the (Australian) bartender here is kind of a creative genius and mixed us up a few cocktails that were truly memorable. One of the drinks I ordered was served as a mini chemistry set that I got to mix myself! Hooray for fun! Curtis's favorite was the Passionate American (tee hee) which was bourbon, passion fruit, and bitters served with half a passion fruit in the glass (top right). My favorite was the Sichuan Beauty (next to the Passionate American). It had Sichuan peppercorn infused vodka, house-made passion fruit syrup, and fresh lemon juice. I could drink that all summer long...

Korean at a random place we meandered into for lunch

Being half Korean, it is pretty much mandatory for me to love Korean food. And I do! I always order the Bi Bim Bap, which is rice topped with a whole slew of seasoned veggies and a little bit of meat, which is then topped with an egg (bottom left). The corn pancake thing on the bottom right was the winner of this meal. It was like a thick crepe with sweet corn in it, and it came with a sesame seed and soy dipping sauce. That was not a great description. It tasted better than it looks or sounds (according to my bad description). 

Hot Pot at Haidilao Hot Pot

I think this is a perfect meal for friends to share 'cause you're all cooking your food together in one big pot at your table. We thought we'd introduce this experience to John Keeling (fellow Hallmark alum!) and his partner, Colin, during their recent visit to Beijing. We ordered the heaven and hell hot pot (half mild, half spicy) and a bunch of meats and veggies that would be thrown into the soup to be cooked. Everyone's favorite was the Noodle Dance, in which a very energetic guy does an impressive dance while hand-pulling the noodles (what's not to love about this?). I did not capture this well with my photos because I was too busy squealing and clapping with joy. I could not get enough of this dance. (Possible new life dream: To spend the rest of my time in China learning how to be a professional Noodle Dancer!!! Yessss!)  

So there you have it-- a sampling of some of the wonderful food we've been enjoying. 

Fear not, though, our cute little kitchen isn't completely going to waste. Sometimes Curtis feels like whipping up a good ol' American breakfast. 

And that is (still) one of my most favorite things of all. 

Tour de Our Beijing Home

Great news alert! 

Curtis and I have officially moved into our Beijing apartment!

Ta-da! This is our building.

After three months of living out of suitcases (two months in KC while Curtis's ankle healed and one month here in a hotel), we are unpacking everything! We have found our extra toothpaste! We know exactly where all of our clean undies are! 

It is a dream come true!

Now let me tell you that finding our little abode was quite an interesting experience. Curtis made an appointment with a realtor almost immediately after we arrived, and we soon learned what our budget would get us here in Beijing. 

The short story here is: Less than we thought.

The first few places we went to were dumpity dumps. Some of them were filthy, with great big pieces of paint or wallpaper missing. Others reeked of cigarette smoke. Apartments come furnished, and several of the ones we saw looked like they had been decorated by intoxicated three-year-olds. I'm talkin' hot pink sofas with gold fringe curtains. One of them did not have a "shower box." There was just a drain in the middle of the bathroom, and when you shower, water gets everywhere. Our realtor walked out of there shaking her head and muttering, "No shower box. Foreigners love shower boxes." It's true! We do. 

Here you have an example of a box-less shower.

Even after upping our budget, we soon realized there were certain things we would just have to get used to. Like hallways that have sound-activated lights, so when you get off the elevator, you have to stomp around in the dark until they go on. Also, no one really maintains the common areas in many buildings, so until you step into an apartment, you sometimes think maybe you're in a falling-apart haunted house. And most kitchens don't have ovens. Also, no clothes dryers, so everything must be hung. In certain buildings, hot water is not available 24/7, and in most buildings, heating is controlled. It goes on in mid-November and gets turned off in mid-March. If it's still freezing outside? Get a good blanket! Oh and another thing. There are mailboxes, but you will probably never get a mailbox key because people just don't use 'em. The mailman will come directly to your door and if you're not home then I don't know what. 

Big sigh.

When Curtis and I first started our apartment search, we were like giddy schoolgirls dreaming of The Perfect Guy. We were all, "Stainless steel appliances! Granite countertops! Hardwood floors!" Then we went on a bunch of bad dates and were all like, "Ummm... something with painted walls and a shower box would be nice." 

We really thought we would have to settle for something less than love, and we were not so thrilled about this at all. 

Then we found it.

Hardwood floors? Check! Shower box? Check!!!

From the moment we walked in, we knew this apartment was different. It felt cozy, the decor was simple but modern, it was spacious and bright, we could get hot water whenever we wanted it, and best of all, it was so clean! Our realtor also pointed out that it was on the 9th floor, which is a number that signifies harmony in Chinese culture. Bonus! It also faces south, which apparently is good feng shui. Nice! We called our realtor later that day and told her we would take it! 

So last night was our very first night here. I got to make our bed with our new Ikea bedding! I got to do a whole bunch of laundry in our little washing machine! I got to put our pictures up in the living room!

Our bedroom! We have a second bedroom, too, because we just know you cannot wait to visit.

I also found out that our (government subsidized) utilities don't cost very much at all (the last couple who lived here said electricity cost them about $15/month), everyone from nearby restaurants to the dry cleaner to our local grocer will deliver, and we can have a housekeeper come once a week for about $10. How amazing is that? Very! There's even a 7-11 right across the street that serves up some pretty dang good kung pao chicken for a little over $1.

Here is our little kitchen that I will barely use because of the aforementioned kung pao chicken.

So there you have the tour of our apartment where we will be living for the next year. I think the feels-like-we're-just-on-vacation phase of our journey has officially come to an end!

One Fine Day

There is a point in many traveler's journeys when they say to themselves, "Okay this was fun, but I'm ready to go home now and sleep in my own comfy bed."

Curtis and I arrived at this point last week.

The Beijing subways were feeling too pushy and squishy.

The hotel breakfast buffet lost its luster. 

Also, no good tacos. Anywhere. 

I would list all the things we miss from back home, but it would be much shorter and equally accurate to simply say, "Everyone and everything." 

I know, I know. We are lucky to be having this experience! We are lucky to be living abroad and be immersed in a whole different culture! There is so much for us to learn, see, and do! All of that is true. But the only thing I've been wanting to do lately is fly back to Hawaii and smooch my very smooch-able nephew who I haven't seen in seven months.  

See? Irresistibly smooch-able. 

Things got really bad on Thursday. Curtis and I sat around staring at each other, hoping we could maybe tap our heels together and get Wizard-of-Ozed back home. When that didn't seem to be working, we came up with the next best brilliant plan.

We decided to pay our first visit to Ikea Beijing. 

At 452,000 square feet, it is the 4th largest Ikea in the world. 

A subway and taxi ride later, I was doing some extreme smiling. As we got closer, Curtis started pointing at the building and shouting "Na yige! Na yige!" (That one! That one!) to the taxi driver, because that is about one of three Mandarin phrases he knows and he could not contain his excitement. I think the driver was a little annoyed by this because: 

Duh. 

It would be an understatement to say that stepping into Ikea was like stepping into beauteous heavenly perfection. The air smelled fresh, everything looked cheerful and clean, you could actually sit on the toilets, and they had a huge food court filled with delights like spaghetti bolognese and their famous swedish meatballs. Most amazing of all-- they had WINE (de France!).

Oh the happiness!

We ate and drank until our pants struggled to contain us, then decided to work off our meal by wandering through the massive showroom. What a great escape from the city this was! It felt like we could be in any Ikea in the world! Except...

Oh-em-gee.

Beijingers were sleeping all over the furniture. They were in REM sleep on sofas! They were curled up under the quilts on the beds or playing with their babies post-nap! At first we just snapped a bunch of pictures out of total amusement-- then it occurred to us with our very full, afternoon bellies that this was, in fact, the BEST IDEA EVER! 

Snooze-a-doodle-doo!

Eventually we got around to picking out bedding for our future apartment, which, as you can imagine, was endlessly fun for me and Curtis. Then, before we knew it, it was time for Ikea happy hour! Followed by romantic Ikea dinner for two! 

Woot! Woot!

We left this oasis-in-the-city feeling floaty, refreshed, and rejuvenated. Sure we still missed home, but a bit of the heaviness had lifted. We were all like, "Yay, adventure!" all over again. 

And not even our super-packed subway ride home coulda changed that. 

Honeymoon Stage

So I finally got around to reading (most of) the "Welcome to China!" manual provided by Curtis's place of employment.

I'd been putting it off, thinking it wasn't actually a thing people read-- like mutual fund prospectuses or fine printy things. Turns out it is loaded with tons of useful information for getting settled here in Beijing. Who knew??? One thing I learned is that based on the short amount of time I've been here, I am in the Honeymoon Stage of culture shock. This is fantastic news! It is the first and best stage, because apparently I think everything about my new country is exciting and wondrous.

Time out for honesty: Even though this was great news, I did not believe it for a second. I mean, seriously? Everyone smokes here, which is driving me just a teensy bit insane. People are constantly hocking up loogies and spitting them everywhere (everywhere!) on the ground like they don't even care that you're wearing your brand new Franco Sarto boots that you love. I have personally witnessed 4 people very publicly picking their noses with gusto in the last 36 hours, and Curtis heard a man shamelessly and rhythmically farting with each step as he walked past us the other day (step poot step poot step poot).

WHAT KIND OF CRAP HONEYMOON IS THIS?
(deep breaths. deep breaths.)

Okay fine. Maaaaybe I'm noticing some other stuff, too. Like how you can be exploring the old, maze-like hutongs (alleyways) of Beijing, when suddenly you find the most shockingly lovely, scrumptious little restaurant that just charms your socks right off.

Or how spectacularly efficient and clean the public transportation is that always gets you where you wanna go for just $0.33 per ride. Just prepare to cuddle with your neighbors during rush hour. Hard.

And while I wouldn't really call this a pretty city, you can be wandering down a street one day looking for something remotely recognizable to snack on, when you happen upon an absolutely stunning Chinese mosque built in 996 AD for the 10,000 Chinese Muslims that apparently live in the area.

Do you see what China is doing to me? Just when I'm ready to pack my bags and move back to clean air and treasured friends and Orange Julius, it reveals something INCREDIBLE to me that makes me wonder what else I'm gonna find if I just hang around a little bit longer. Dammit, China.

The thing I'm really understanding is that this country will not lure you in under false pretenses. There is absolutely no padding in its bra. You either love it as it is, or you go home. Either way, China's all like, "cool."

So yeah.

Stage 2 of Culture Shock according to the manual is apparently the part when I think EVERYTHING about this country is utterly frustrating and generally sucks. After that, it'll be two more stages before I'm emotionally stable-ish again. So, something to look forward to, right??? A couple of our new friends have been here for two months and are pretty deep into stage two. The other night at dinner, one of them said to the other, "Honey, when were we crazy Americans? Was it Tuesday?" Of course, we all thought this was very funny, and it kinda made me wonder when, where, and how Curtis and I will go all Crazy American on China. Will it happen in a grocery store when we can't find the dang Honey Nut Cheerios? Or perhaps on the subway when someone pushes me out of the way at their stop, at which point I'll act like I think personal space is even a thing in this city?

Whatever the case, it'll be something to write home about. Or blog about. And probably laugh about.

Eventually, anyway.

Beijing: Week One

I have discovered the secret to feeling young again!
All you have to do is move your whole life to Beijing and then try to survive there.
Seriously-- that's it!

Curtis and I have now been here for one week and we have transformed into toddlers. Everything is brand new to us, and it's either fascinating and exciting, or ridiculously frustrating. In order to cope, we have employed several techniques used by two-year-olds around the world that I shall explain here should you ever need to use them:

1) Vigorous pointing
Want the thing that THAT guy has? Vigorously point!
Want to explain where you wanna go on a map? Vigorously point!
We use this all the time with reckless abandon. Just be warned that sometimes vigorous pointing can end with you getting two big bowls of the most spicy, mouth-numbing noodle soup you've ever had in your life, because you couldn't actually read the menu explaining that this particular restaurant you wandered into specializes in SUPER HOT food using a certain spice that makes your whole mouth tingle like crazy and then go completely numb. So fun! And terrifying!

2) Look adorable and maybe a little bit dumb
Babies have known for centuries that this behavior will let you get away with a lot. Curtis is good at looking adorable and I am good at looking kinda dumb, so together we are invincible! If a guard questions the water bottle you have on the subway, keep smiling and nodding until he gives up and lets you pass. If the doorman at the apartment complex you wanna check out is getting all hung up on the fact that you don't have a key to the front gate, put on a cute face and shrug while muttering in English and voila! You're in!

3) Learn to use the potty
Not to brag or anything, but back in the states I was kind of an expert potty-goer. I mean, I could practically go in my sleep. And then I moved here and came across this:

Oh jeebus. When I encountered my first squatter the other day, I just stared at it suspiciously while mentally gauging how much I really needed to go. (Pretty badly.) Then came the questions... Which way do I face? (Toward the wall.) Why is there no toilet paper? (It's BYOP.) Why is the little open trash can filled with crumpled toilet paper? (You can't flush used paper. LOOK AWAY from the trash can.) Will the tight jeans I squeezed into allow me the luxury of squatting all the way down? (Thankfully, yes.) Why is the ground all wet? (Roll up your tight jeans and quit asking questions.)

Not all the toilets in Beijing are like this, but seeing what kind of toilet a place has is always an exciting adventure!

4) Try (mostly) everything just in case it's fun and/or delicious
Riding the equivalent of a tin can down a busy Beijing street: Partly fun but mostly crazy.

Meeting a new friend to have a wonderful hotpot experience with all sorts of interesting veggies: Fun AND delicious! Ding ding ding! We have a winner!

5) Take time for naps
Pointing, squatting, and all-day adventuring can be so draining. Here is Curtis wearing his sexy smog mask whilst napping on a crowded subway ride. He's a good little napper, that one.

6) Finally, when things don't go your way, scream and cry
Okay, so we haven't actually had to do this yet, but I was tempted to this morning when I woke up to this view of "hazardous" levels of smog from our hotel room:

The air is expected to be better by this evening. Until then, we'll probably just stay indoors and watch one of the awesome $2 DVDs we bought from the tiny, hidden back room of a marketplace we stumbled upon.

Oh China.
I can't wait to see what you have in store for us next.